Monday, December 7, 2009

To Catch a Cheat

To the best of my recollection, I can think of no female politician who the press has exposed for having an illicit affair. And, even though I can think of one or two female celebs making headlines for infidelity, the ratio of men to women celebs caught being naughty is probably a zilllion to one, with the females being the latter.

Now I am not naive enough to think women politicians and/or celebs are saints when it comes to keeping their marriage vows. I just think they are far superior when it comes to covering their tracks, and NO I AM NOT SPEAKING FROM PERSONAL EXPERIENCE. Women learn the art of successful deception early in our lives and men don’t. Obviously, the gals who cheat don’t leave visible tracks like charges to hotels, love letters in deleted emails that are easily retrievable, or text messages that any suspicious person or reporter can tract. In most homes, women are in charge of the cleaning and many are trained in their early years, so they tend to be better at cleaning up messes. (I know this is an old, chauvinistic view). And, if the wife pays the bills and hubby charges something in Victoria’s Secret, unless she was the recipient of the gift, well, the rest is obvious. All these male politicians and celebs that have been caught cheating during the last few years clearly are skilled only in their field of work and that is it. I will also assume – which is dangerous – that they leave their dirty clothes around the house and dishes in the sink, so they never learned how to clean up their own dirt.

The trait of deception superiority shows itself early in life. Ask a four-year-old boy a question he doesn’t know the answer to, he’ll look at his shoes or shrug. A girl will change the topic. “Do you want to hear me sing the Alphabet song?” (Honestly, I saw this in a teacher training film.)

By middle school, girls carry a change of clothing in a paper bag or stuffed in their backpacks. They head for the girls’ room before the day begins and again at the end of the day. This way they can change into the outfits their parents warned them not to wear to school. “Well I didn’t wear it to school,” my niece told my sister when she was caught.

This week, I learned how even we grandmas cover our tracks. My friend’s husband and married children have told her that her grandkids have enough toys to last ten life times. They explicitly asked her not to buy any more “junk.” After the warning, she was in a toy store shopping for a baby gift and fell in love with new toys for her own toddler grandkids. Like me, one of her major weaknesses is toys for grandkids. Needless to say, she bought the new toys. “I came home, tore off the wrap, and mixed the new toys in with the old ones in the toy box. I put the wrap through the shredder, mixed it in with the wet garbage, and then tied up the bag. When the grandkids came, no one realized the toy box had new additions,” she told me. “And I thoroughly enjoyed watching the babies play with the new toys!”

I would not say it is safe to assume my friend pays the bills in her home. I would say it’s a sure bet. To Catch a Cheat

1 comment:

Maniacal Mommy said...

I always know when hubby cheats on our budget, because he doesn't carry cash (it burns a hole in his pocket).

Sometimes people just cannot resist. I forgive the grandmas. Mine cannot see my infant without wanting to feeding him "something" usually meaning he has ingested 20 miniature marshmallows in my 30 minute absence. Even though he had a large amount of baby cereal before I dropped him off.....

I guess it is up to the individual to decide how bad the infraction is. I know I could never say "you can't make my kids happy" be it about mini marshmallows or toys with so many parts I want to scream.