Portable Phones

Portable phones were meant to give people mobility around their home while talking, and the occasional hunt for a ringing piece of misplaced equipment is worth all the conveniences the portability of a phone offers me. Unlike me, Hubby has a minor fit if a phone is not returned instantly to its rightful cradle the moment a call ends.

Before my husband retired, as the time approached that he would be coming home from work, I made sure all phones were perched like sentinels in their respective cradles. At first I thought he was the only nut when it came to portable phones being recharged continuously, but a few years ago a dear friend confessed her husband did the identical phone inspection each evening when he returned from work as mine did.

This is the same friend who years ago made the pact with me that when it was time to retire we would have our husbands in one apartment with the AC set at 80 degrees and we would room together and keep our AC at 74. We are both now wondering whatever happened to this plan, especially since our husbands are now both retired. Our habit of not returning phones to their rightful cradles at the completion of each call keeps our Hubbys busy because they both roam the house checking to see if the phones are in their rightful place.

By now I’m used to it, but Hubby’s fetish can be embarrassing when we have sleep over company—they tend to think of my husband as a closet tyrant, which he isn’t. He’s usually a dear, except if he is freezing because the AC is set for my comfort level, not his, or the phone rings and he can’t find it because I left it in another room when I ended my call.

This week, Hubby’s “where’s the phone” rant happened while Atlanta son was visiting. Hubby was upset because the office phone wasn’t in its cradle when it rang. Since I had answered it and needed information from the kitchen calendar, I dared to move the phone to that room and, as usual, I didn’t return it the split second I hung up. Even worse, the bedroom phone was also “missing.”

Atlanta Son watched as his father performed his phone ritual, ranting about potential dead batteries. He didn’t let up until all the missing phones were rescued.

“What’s the sense in having portable phones if you don’t want them moved?” was our son’s logical question to his father. “You’d be better off with the phones attached to the wall like you had when I was a kid.”

I laughed. Hubby’s birthday is in four weeks and I have a pretty good idea what he’s getting for his desk and his side of the bed.

Lost Connection

We’ve been having trouble with our phone service ever since we moved last April. The phone goes dead while I’m talking for no apparent reason. Whenever I report the malfunction to our carrier, they magically reset it from there main office – if there is such a thing - whatever has to be reset. Then the phone works again for a few weeks.

When we moved and my husband first told me he was bundling everything to reduce our monthly cost by $100, my response was, “Is this the same phone/cable company that disappeared for weeks after the hurricanes?”

He said yes, and agreed that if we had problems, when the introductory offer was up after a year, unless they renewed the deal, we would switch back to our old phone service if we had any problems.

Anyway – when our phones went dead two weeks ago, service told me that our phones were not compatible with their telephone service. I pointed out to the person I was speaking with that the phones work 99% of the time, and if they were truly incompatible, they wouldn’t work at all. Then she kept insisting my phones were analog, despite the fact I repeatedly told her that the phone was clearly labeled “digital.” I must have worn her down because she agreed to set up a service call, but at my cost. Then, after more heated words were exchanged, the cost was waved.

When the technician arrived – a week later - he informed us we needed new batteries for all of our phones. “They have to be changed at least once a year. When they’re all low, phone service cuts out.”

We’ve had the phones for more than five years and I think we’ve changed one battery because that particular phone read “low battery” whenever in use and told him this. The technician said we were just lucky. After he left, Hubby told me it was my fault because the phones probably cut out when all the phones are out of their cradles at the same time – something I’m guilty of, which drives him nuts. When he worked, I ran around the house before he was due home and put all the phones back in the cradles. Since he is home, I find searching for the phones gives him something to do. (He does not think this is funny.)

The local store that sells the special phone batteries was out of stock. It seems a lot of the portable phones – not to be confused with cell phones – went dead after the unusual lengthy cold snap we had in South Florida. I have no clue if there is a connection, but I’m glad the store was out. When we told our son the story, he told us it may be cheaper to buy all new phones – the kind that use cheap batteries- than replace the 4 batteries in our present phones.

By next week hopefully our new phones will be in place. Then when our phone service cuts out, an operator will tell us we set them up incorrectly. Unfortunately, she will probably be right!